“My made up Anxiety…”

Greetings to all. 🙂

So, I noticed that slowly my blog is becoming my journal to write down my thoughts which I can’t say out loud. This post is also going to be another entry in this ‘journal’ of mine. Anxiety makes you do things that you aren’t really proud of. That’s what happened to me few days back. I got an opportunity and I totally blew it. This opportunity could possibly benefit me a lot in future and initially I was completely ready to avail it but as the day started to pass, my anxiety got the best of me and I backed out. I stopped taking calls from those who were giving me this opportunity to showcase my talent on a national level, I ignored their text messages only because I couldn’t bring myself to actually get on the stage and recite the poems that I was supposed to write. I’m not proud of any of it and the worst thing is that I couldn’t tell them that I just had an anxiety attack and I can’t do what you guys are asking me to do. Rather I finally got back to them and lied to save myself from the embarrassment that I knew I would face once I got on the stage. Still, I thought these people would stop contacting me but no, they kept calling me, asked me to come and texted me. And then I ignored any kind of message from the altogether.

The thing is, people with anxiety are battling with something that no one around them could understand and especially where I live no one even believes that there’s such thing as anxiety. They think that it is okay to be ‘nervous’ or have stage fright. They don’t know that anxiety is way bigger than nervousness and temporary tension. And sometimes it wins, it manages to get the best of us, we let down our own self because of it.

This wasn’t going to be a positive, motivational post. It is simply what I have to fight with every single day of my life and something I can’t talk about with people around me. People who are familiar with anxiety, they tell me that it is only in my head. Then why can’t I get it out of my head? why does my heart always start to beat in an irregular manner when apparently there’s nothing wrong going on? Why sometimes my breathing become shallow? If it is all in my head then why can’t my head listen to me for once and stop doing all these things to me? Because if it were up to me I would rather stay like other people who don’t have to think twice when doing little day to day things while I’m here overthinking everything, from climbing the bus to giving a presentation in the classroom. Because if it were in my head, I would probably be preparing for one of the biggest opportunity of my life rather here writing this post.

I apologize for this long post that you just had to read but I had to get it off of my chest. And thank you if you read it. Please comment down below if you have any advice or suggestions for me.

Until next time.

Sincerely,

A Wanderer’s Soul. ❤

 

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“Comfort Books…”

 

I’m not going to talk about how books are comforting for reading but rather it is comforting to know that when you have no one, you have still got your books. It is comforting to know that when you have nothing to say, you can still talk via books or about books.

When I sat down to write something for my blog I couldn’t come up with anything to write, actually I did come up with so many things to write. I wrote almost 3 drafts based on various topics but in the middle of writing them I ended up deleting all of them because I just didn’t feel like saying anything, didn’t feel like expressing anything. So I went through my files on a computer and all I could find comforting to talk about or relaxing for my own self-was books. You can talk about so many things if the topic is books without having to fear the feeling of being vulnerable or judged.

I have been quite busy lately with university and my personal life which is why I haven’t been able to write anything or post anything on my blog or Instagram. I did read three books in past week but every time I tried to write anything for either of my social medias, I just couldn’t find the words. Sometimes life gives you so many weird moments that you start to question the reality and in the midst of all this chaos all you can do is open a book and dive into it. That’s what I did. Though I had my exams and this time they were giving me the worst anxiety but I couldn’t bring myself to study or do anything. (SIDE NOTE: Sometimes when I write posts for this blog I get this weird feeling as if this is my personal journal and no one is going to read it so I pour out everything that I feel at the moment)

At this point, I have no idea how to conclude my post. I know everyone knows how important books are and how comforting they’re but no one knows what they are for the other person and maybe this is the reason why I wrote this post.

Feel free to share how you feel regarding books.

Sincerely,

A Bibliophile. ❤

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“Captions and Clickbaits”

Greetings to all the beautiful souls.

I hope you all are doing perfectly fine – mentally and physically.

So, here is a confession in case no one has noticed yet (because obviously no one ever notices ANYTHING IN THIS BLOG!) *calms down* that I suck at giving titles to posts or if you guys haven’t checked out my Instagram then let me tell you, I suck at giving captions to my pictures. If you don’t want to go and see then take me up on my word. I hardly give any captions to my posts, the reason being, my mind goes blank whenever I try to type something as a caption. I feel like the world’s most awkward person, sitting there, looking at nothingness of my mobile screen but sometimes I do try to give captions but then I end up deleting it all and post my pictures with a heart or two (what else would I do, right?)

And then I go on Youtube and come across all these promising titles, offering us so much but giving us nothing in their videos (No, I’m not going to roast anyone). But here I am, giving the most boring titles to my blog posts and nearly no captions to my Instagram pictures. If only there were a college from where you could major in clickbaits and captions, trust me I would fail in those classes as well but hey at least I would learn at least something out of them, right????

So tell me how do you come up with your titles or captions? Do you feel like sometimes it is difficult to think of captions or titles?

Sincerely,

A Wanderer’s Soul. ❤

“Once Upon A Time I Was Not A Reader…”

Hey beautiful souls. 🙂

So yes, there was a time in my life where I wasn’t a reader (or at least I thought I wasn’t).

You know how when we are young and we try to be cool and somehow we end up thinking that being a reader is not a cool thing to do… This is what happened to me and now that I think of it, it actually surprises me how much of an idiot I was to think that – no offence to anyone who doesn’t read, trust me I respect you but the thing is I don’t really respect myself for believing that 😛

This is how the story goes….

(Fun Fact: I’m an obsessive fan of Wizards of Waverly Place for like ever)

I used to watch Wizards of Waverly Place religiously (I still do) but back in the days I would watch same episode over and over again. In WOWP Alex Russo was shown as such a cool teenager she would wear these incredibly cute outfits and her hairstyle was so cute that I think every teenage girl would try to copy her, hell I wanted to be her. Alex Russo would always read a magazine more like look through the pages and pictures and she would always say that she didn’t like to read. This is where I started acting like “Oh reading is so ridiculous, who does that”. I know right such an Idiot I was. Now what I would actually do is, read these books or short stories every night before I sleep every single day but still I would pretend that I hated reading.

Then in the month of July, 2014 I realized that I had always been a reader it was only that I chose to be ignorant regarding this hobby of mine and this is how I embraced the soul of reader who was dwelling within me and I accepted to the world that yes I do read and I do love it to the core of my heart. (well it wasn’t really that dramatic I only told my sister to buy more books 😀 )

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love Alex Russo still to this age. I love WOWP, I still watch it, I still pretend to be Alex but more like a reader version of her. 😉

So this is the story of how I realized I have a love of reading.

Share your stories of how you became a reader or realized that you had been a reader all your life.

Until the next time.

Sincerely,

A Reader. ❤

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