“Shackled”

“Shadows lurk around the corners of my room
Walls darken as I watch their doom
I talk and talk to the air I breathe
They watch me as I try to sleep
The tick tock of clock, the stillness of time
I keep sitting as the moments fly by
I feed the monsters
I wait for angels
I watch the horizon
As I drift away in water
The fire has been burning
The ashes have been fading
I tried to shatter what has been creeping
I tried to unfold the thoughts of escaping
The shadows kept lurking around the corners of my room
The walls started to fade before my view
They still watch me as I try to sleep
I keep hoping to disappear as I breathe.”

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“Binge-watching and Reading slump” (My Recommendation)

Hey guys, so two weeks ago I had a reading slump, where I couldn’t read any book. I tried so hard and even skimmed through some books to get back in the mood but I guess you can’t fight the reading slump sometimes. At the same time, I really wanted to binge watch some really good tv shows or sitcoms. I asked my sister what should I watch and she suggested me Brooklyn Nine Nine because she had recently watched it too. Let me be honest here, I was quite skeptical before starting this sitcom and I don’t know why maybe because my idiot mind was saying “O’ little mortal, don’t go for that ye have no idea about” (Okay that was such a bad attempt, I deeply apologize for even trying to say that and you should never go for the hype) but despite all my inner battles I thought, ‘Let’s give the sitcom a chance’. And MY OH MY! Was it the best chance I had ever given. Guys Brooklyn Nine Nine is such an underrated show. I thoroughly enjoyed it and binge-watched it even though I had to go to university and I was pretty exhausted that week but I just couldn’t stop watching it.

The sitcom is filled with humor, sarcasm, real issues, and EVERYTHING YOU WANT IN A SITCOM. Andy Samberg is such an amazing actor and every single actor in this sitcom is so good. If you really want a light hearted, cute, sarcastic, and a sitcom that actually addresses real social issues, then Brooklyn Nine Nine is definitely what you should binge-watch. I  highly recommend it. And trust me you’re really going to enjoy watching it.

Tell me in comments down below if you have watched it or planning to watch it. And also tell me what are you binge-watching these days and if there are any shows/sitcoms that you recommend watching?

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Thank you for reading. ❤

American Horror Story Season 7: Cult (My thoughts)

Before starting off let me just say it is not a review. If you haven’t watched the first episode that aired on 5th September then I would say don’t read it maybe, I haven’t really decided if I’m going to put some spoilers here or not. So let’s just say go watch the episode and maybe then come and read it if you really have an interest in knowing what I thought of it. Without wasting any more time, let’s get started.

Okay, so Evan Peters (in every other season of AHS) had been so charming even when he played a psychopath in Murder House (Season 1). But this season he gave us a whole new level of insanity (I mean, the guy can REALLY creep you out). Also, I didn’t know Billie Lourd was also going to be in this season *shocked* and she gave off the same vibes in this episode -at least half of this episode- which she gave off in Scream Queens (Fun fact: I was waiting for Scream Queen Season 3 to air this month but yesterday I got to know that the show got cancelled). Really love how she acts. The episode focused on so many issues. Not only on the surface, where the whole episode consisted of President Trump being elected and its impact on the public but also on multiple other issues like self-harm, the dark side of the internet, children’s minds, et cetera. Sarah Paulson, as always, delivered amazing performance but still her performance in Season 4: Freak Show will always be my most favorite amongst all.

Now coming to the negatives, this episode gave me the worst anxieties. Trypophobia is one of the widely found phobias amongst people yet choosing to show it in such widely watched show is a big risk because those producers can consequently lose their audience suffering from this phobia or Coulrophobia. I was literally afraid throughout the episode not because of the themes of it but because of visual representation of Trypophobia. Somehow, I managed to watch the whole episode but I really don’t think I will be able to watch any more episodes of it. Can’t risk my anxiety when my plate is already filled with it.

The conclusion is, I found the episode interesting and to be honest I didn’t plan on watching it because I DNFed the last season after watching the first few episodes. And if it weren’t for my trypophobia I would have considered watching it but at this point, I really think that the AHS franchise either needs to bring back Jessica Lange or it needs to make its seasons more interesting like the first few were.

With that being said, these were all my thoughts and if you disagree with me on any of it then please feel free to comment below and also tell me if you liked the episode or not? and the things you liked/disliked?

Thank you for reading.

The Ruler of Books Tag

So this book tag was created by the booktuber Ariel Bissett and because I’m lazy I’m attempting to do it after a year.

The tag basically opts the question, if you were a ruler of books what kind of world would you create? So here go the questions and my answers;

  1. What book would you make everyone read?

I would definitely make everyone *forcefully* read The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.

2.  What would you abolish in book construction?

I have so many pet peeves when it comes to book construction but one of my biggest problems is way too small fonts. It just makes it hard to read the book and it annoys me so much!

3. What author would you commission to write you any book?

A few months ago if I had asked the same question to myself I would definitely, without thinking twice would have said Kasie West because I LOVE HER BOOKS SO MUCH!!! But 3 months ago I binged read Shatter Me Series and I fell in love with Tahereh Mafi’s writing instantly. She writes so well and her stories and everything about her books is just phenomenal. So I would commission Tahereh Mafi to write me any book (and by any book I would only ask her to write as many books as she can about Warner :D)

4. What book would you demote to the library basement to make room for new books?

Okay, so there are so many books and books series which I would rather not have in my world but if asked to keep some of them and to demote them to library basement, I would say Anna and The French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins. And I know a huge amount of people would disagree with me but this book is simply so problematic that I would rather it stays away somewhere in the basement.

5. What cover artist would you commission to make a mural?

Penguin classics because I love those editions of Jane Austen’s novels and they all are so pretty and cute. Besides that, Alison Klapthor, who designed the covers of Firebird series by Claudia Grey. I haven’t read the books yet but the covers are so beautiful.

6. What characters face would you put on a coin?

I want to say Mad Hatter but then I really want the face of  Warner from Shatter Me Series to be put on the coins of my world. And I also want Hermoine Granger From Harry Potter series also. So this question is really tricky for me to be honest.

The last question in the tag is, What book would you award the “Ruler of Books” 2016 Prize to? and since I’m doing the tag in 2017 so I don’t know if I should include the best book of 2016 or 2017. Simultaneously, I’m not sure if I came across any new releases in both years which should be granted with the said award. So, I’m not going to answer this question and I really apologize for it. But if anyone of you wants, you can also do this tag and don’t forget to tell me in the comments below what kind of world would you create if you were the ruler of books?

 

 

“Being Brown…”

The other day my friend texted me saying that she needed my address because she wanted to order some thing off the internet and for some reasons she couldn’t get it delivered to her own house. I gave her my address and when the packaged arrived I came to know that the product was basically a ‘Whitening Serum’, which supposedly helps you get lighter or white skin.

I’m from Pakistan and obviously, I’m brown but let me tell you it is not the other races that discriminate us, our own people discriminate each other. I might get in trouble in saying and exposing all these things but some things need to be said. Every time I turn on TV there’s always an ad regarding how you can whiten your skin with a whole story that how a girl with darker skin doesn’t get anyone’s attention and how she can’t marry but when she applies these whitening creams she immediately gets this ‘glow’ and become ‘beautiful’ because these are the standards we have set in our own country, and trust me nothing infuriates me more than to actually observe how explicitly we discriminate our own race.

If you are unfamiliar with Pakistani television shows then I’m sure what I’m about to tell you is definitely going to surprise you. Every morning on all the Pakistani channels multiple morning programs air and almost every morning there are at least 3 channels which tell you how to whiten your skin using different injections, creams or natural methods. Look I know it is okay to clear your skin off the dust and everything but they literally explicitly tell you how to get white skin because this is how you are going to be accepted and be called beautiful. They sometimes stage this whole act where actors disguised as locals come and tell them that they want white skin and on national television the host along with some ‘doctors’ inject some kind of serum in their skin and tell them that they will have to use it for this particular amount of days and then they can achieve this “beauty”. We have so many actors who started off as browns and now they have white skins. Brides insist on using so much foundation of way lighter tone than their complexion so they can look beautiful in their new illuminated look on their wedding day. It is quite normal for people to call a person with darker tone “Kaala” which in English means black.

The thing is we have gotten so used to these unacceptable, obnoxious, disgusting habit of hating our own skin color that it doesn’t even occur to anyone to say anything against it. My own friends show their dislike towards darker tones or skin that whenever they get a chance they try to use these makeup products to lighten their complexion.

This post has already got so long, tell me in comments below if you want me to continue to talk about this issue because I have so many stories regarding this issue to tell and I will most definitely talk about it. I always mention at the end of my every post that I apologize if this offended you in any way but I’m not going to say it now because there are some issues in our society which need to be discussed and people should take offend by them. Also, suggest me if I should share those ads or tv shows about this issue.

Thank you for reading this looooong post.

Until next time.

 

“Not Really Existing…”

I used to think that friends are the most important people in your life and you are lucky only because of the huge number of friends you have. I couldn’t be any more wrong. A number of friends can never determine how lucky you are in fact if you have only one friend in your life and that friend is loyal, sincere, supportive, reliable to you then you don’t need to have any more friends. I used to assume that I have so many best friends and all of them love me (as they always claimed). The thing is, you start to believe whatever people say to you only because you want yourself to be recognized as a mere existence and that’s what I did. I had always felt and I still feel that I don’t exist for people. I don’t know why but sometimes it feels like people see me as someone who exists only when they need to gossip about someone. Other than that I’m nothing and no one to them and this is the worst state of non-existence anyone can ever experience. So consequently I started to feel like ‘wow I do exist for someone, let me just give them every thing and all kind of happiness and let me show them how caring and good of a person I can be’.  My friends would play with my insecurities and I brushed it off by saying to myself ‘hey, best friends do that this is why they are best friends, they can joke about everything’. They would disrespect me and I would think that friends are supposed to love you not respect you. Let me tell you, there’s nothing in this world bigger and more important than respect. If someone is not giving you respect then they don’t love you. You should not stay with a person only because they supposedly love you.

Respect should be the most important and sometimes the only factor in all kinds of relationships. It took me so long to realize it and then imply it but I finally did. I distance myself from my ‘friends’ and chose respect over ‘love’. I’m not here to vent and rant about my problems but I want you guys to understand that if you don’t respect someone then don’t pretend that you love them and if someone is not giving you the respect that you deserve then you don’t have to stick with them. If you see someone who thinks that they don’t mean anything to this world then show them how important and how beautiful they are. Everyone needs to know that they exist for the other person. Showing someone that they exist for you is the most underrated thing in this world. So let’s show everyone how important they are. Make it overrated, because some things are better being overrated than left being unnoticed.

 

“My made up Anxiety…”

Greetings to all. 🙂

So, I noticed that slowly my blog is becoming my journal to write down my thoughts which I can’t say out loud. This post is also going to be another entry in this ‘journal’ of mine. Anxiety makes you do things that you aren’t really proud of. That’s what happened to me few days back. I got an opportunity and I totally blew it. This opportunity could possibly benefit me a lot in future and initially I was completely ready to avail it but as the day started to pass, my anxiety got the best of me and I backed out. I stopped taking calls from those who were giving me this opportunity to showcase my talent on a national level, I ignored their text messages only because I couldn’t bring myself to actually get on the stage and recite the poems that I was supposed to write. I’m not proud of any of it and the worst thing is that I couldn’t tell them that I just had an anxiety attack and I can’t do what you guys are asking me to do. Rather I finally got back to them and lied to save myself from the embarrassment that I knew I would face once I got on the stage. Still, I thought these people would stop contacting me but no, they kept calling me, asked me to come and texted me. And then I ignored any kind of message from the altogether.

The thing is, people with anxiety are battling with something that no one around them could understand and especially where I live no one even believes that there’s such thing as anxiety. They think that it is okay to be ‘nervous’ or have stage fright. They don’t know that anxiety is way bigger than nervousness and temporary tension. And sometimes it wins, it manages to get the best of us, we let down our own self because of it.

This wasn’t going to be a positive, motivational post. It is simply what I have to fight with every single day of my life and something I can’t talk about with people around me. People who are familiar with anxiety, they tell me that it is only in my head. Then why can’t I get it out of my head? why does my heart always start to beat in an irregular manner when apparently there’s nothing wrong going on? Why sometimes my breathing become shallow? If it is all in my head then why can’t my head listen to me for once and stop doing all these things to me? Because if it were up to me I would rather stay like other people who don’t have to think twice when doing little day to day things while I’m here overthinking everything, from climbing the bus to giving a presentation in the classroom. Because if it were in my head, I would probably be preparing for one of the biggest opportunity of my life rather here writing this post.

I apologize for this long post that you just had to read but I had to get it off of my chest. And thank you if you read it. Please comment down below if you have any advice or suggestions for me.

Until next time.

Sincerely,

A Wanderer’s Soul. ❤